Ask me something

freedom on this earth

2005-11-15T09:53:34Z

I stood in the middle of an 8 lane highway tonight with no cars coming either way. It was kinda surreal. In the midst of an industrial world, I was alone and free. if you are ever driving a super highway in the middle of the night and want to experience something special pull over and try it.

Reflections

2005-11-08T09:15:25Z

Wow, so much to say. I let this thing go for a week and I'm out of it.
The last week on the road was amazing! So much more fun that I thought it was going to be. It was just a great great time. The freedom is overwhelming sometimes. Its such a different world and I dont always no how I go a day without it. I have a met a ton of new people in the past couple of months, and not that I dont always, but these are people that I know will be an open opportunity to be more than just a face of the day. Different people, that I am learning about and realizing our differences and the similarities that make it possible for us all to coincide on earth. There is a ton of work ahead for me. This record is sneaking closer and closer. I want to be over prepared, the work put into this is so much more than a necessity for the band, but for my well being, I need it to keep my mind from falling idle. I have been home for 3 hours and I already feel old. There is a youthfulness about being out there, there is a sense of retribution no matter how long you have lived, you are at one place in your mind. I have a few weeks here before thanksgiving and all that jazz. We have a photo shoot coming up, and Im trying to get the video pushed up so It can all be done before the holiday. Im kinda bummed at the moment, but am comforted by a real sense of purpose, there is a lot going on and I am ready.............

body hurts

2005-10-29T19:26:39Z

WOW! I am soo out of shape and out of practice. I think I had too much fun playing last night. Eh, my neck is killing me! Havent decided yet what Im doing for Halloween, probably Gboro. I have done the chapel hill thing enough. I went to a place last night where there were a ton of people dressed up, dont think I want to do that anymore, HA.

amazing practice

2005-10-28T07:43:26Z

We had an amazing practice tonight! Hours and hours, but a ton of fun. Maybe tomorrow will actually be a good show! Still miss my tyson. Arlie and David got stranded in the hill, so they are staying here tonight. Good to see those boys!

Ever notice how safe people are from a distance?
That sounds obvious, but I often forget why most of us keep each other out of arms reach. And I got some long arms.................

Maybe hes right.

2005-10-27T09:42:47Z

Zach says Im losing my mind. I wonder if I really am going crazy. Thats just what I need right now. To go bonkers! HAHA

top of the hill!

2005-10-27T04:43:11Z

I got up soo late today, which was lame. Cleaned the house. Met up with Karen, havent seen her in like a year. We went to top of the hill for drinks and caught up and talked about the good old days. I feel like I have told the same, "Im on tour" story a million times. I get bored, but it is my life, so who knows. Im listening to the ataris! haha that makes me feel 18 again. We got a P-Space just to have something to do while we are waiting for t-bird. Chicken Tetrazini time!

better, 20 dollar jeans, greensboro, stuff

2005-10-26T06:48:35Z

So last night I went to the girls house, I hadnt seen them and my futon in a long time. brandy, joel, john, and I went out for shakes and good conversation. Its always nice to catch up. I am rethinking what I should do for halloween, I dont know if I should go to their house or do the same same here at the hill. I kinda want to dress up, like in a dress! HA, we will see. I got a lot of ish done today. Got some of our equipment fixed and I guess we will be playing some shows as a 3 piece, that will be nuts. I bought a 20 dollar pair of jeans today, they suck but will get me through another tour. I have been having so much fun writing lately, I have really been into soul which is funny cause I am soo write and I sing like a 5 year old boy. Oh me. Its 2:22 and you know what that means?! I feel much better than I did yesterday. I dont want to sound erratic, I think yesterday was just the head of something that I wasnt ready for, and hopefully I have assimilated the experience into my being and can go with it. I've been reading this book called "The Christian Culture Survival Guide" Its really funny, cause its about what its like being raised a christian and having to go through all the awkwardness that is self imposed. I like it a lot. I walked to starbucks and read for a while by the window and it was nice to watch the people. A gay dude winked at me too! If only it were rufus........

So im scared

2005-10-25T09:04:39Z

i cant believe this! I get so close. I have no right to get involved with people, but shit. I am human. I have spent the last year in awe of the attitude that I have adopted. This disinterest in people and making a connection. I have wanted for soooo long for someone to come along and break me of it. I know that I have been scared to repeat the patterns of the past, and I know that I have done some not so great things to some undeserving people, but I have always been honest about my feelings. That is so easy and so safe when those feelings are lackluster. Now, now! I feel like all this time, all this patients, all this waiting, preparing has gone to nothing. I told matt the other day that I would give anything to just remember what it was like to be miserable over someone, to just want that attention to the point that it hurt. It had been so long. I need a relationship like I need cancer, but thats not the point. I wanted to remember the feeling, the agony. It means something, IT MEANS YOU ARE HUMAN! I hadnt felt that sort of alive in a long time, but now, it may be here and I dont feel ready, Im not soaking it up, Im acting like a child. Now my fear isnt of repeating the patterns of the past, but watching what I have always wanted dwindle. I now know that I am capable and when this passes I will be assured. I take comfort in that, but I am disappointed. So yeah Im listening to cathedrals, and Im waiting for this ship to sail.

Freedom

2005-10-24T08:44:05Z

today was fun. I saw the bravery and my friend cambot. Cory and I laughed at all the drunk people, it was soo funny. I watched one drunk girl make out with 2 guys, then later in the night, came up to me and whispered, "you are one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen" in my ear. HAHA, it was soo crazy. I am liking this weather, it feels soo nice outside, and perfect coat weather. I CANT STOP LISTENING TO THE STARTING LINE, what does that mean exactly? Wrote some weird off the beaten path music today, maybe thats because I have been off track lately. I have sooo much running through my mind and I dont know where to start with it all, it makes me just want to forget it all and get back to basics, I mean it isnt THAT important is it? Maybe, I have been thinking about these things for a while. I dont know. Its late and I need a snack.

too many shows!

2005-10-23T19:09:18Z

Leslie, Liz, Zach, and I went to see Classic Case and He Is Legend last night. It was good to see some familiar faces. The show was really cool, Im looking forward to touring with those dudes. Stayed at Leslies, and she passed the hell out at like 3! This is where my schedule gets me. Cory and I are going to see The Bravery tonight. boo. I will get to see my buddy cameron, but thats about the only thing good to look forward to at this show, I hate that band. I feel good today, i woke up noon got some coffee and I'm off to a good start. I have been writing so much. Songs are coming so easily, and I think they are good. Speaking of good songs. I got a chance to hear all of the new farewell record. Tight! Its very original rock. Those dudes are gonna make some noise very soon I think. So I got to stop wearing my show shirt, Its like my blankie or something. I just dont like anything to wear except for this shirt. haha and its orange which is so funny. I see a small hole forming in my favorite jeans and my other favorite jeans are already wrecked. I need to get them fixed before we hit the road. bad! Tbud is getting cut mon. So lets hope that all goes well. alright its three and I got as many hours to get ready for this night. Hope all is well in the world.

Things in their appropriate places

2005-10-22T06:23:58Z

So Im not sure exactly whats going on with me. Lots of good things, we are shooting a video very soon! I just got word today that Shane Drake is directing it, which is really really cool. I dig his work. Some of other sweet breakthroughs as well have presented themselves with the band, if Tyson was home right now it would be perfect. I was suppose to get my haircut today and freaking missed it. I got up soo late. Which isnt cool.
.....Im not super chill by any means, but I can keep my cards together when I need to. Lately, not so much. I am falling all over myself. Its kinda funny to look back at my childish babble. This is what I wanted right? HA! I need to get back on the old road, its calling me and my mind is there, not here with decisions and fears of complacency. I have a ton of newly imposed errands to take care of, so tomorrow will be a lot of that. Thats what I need, something to do for a week that just wrecks my brain. I talked to chuck today and he made me laugh so hard, his candid insight is soo refreshing sometimes. That little biatch knows me all too well. Whether I like it or not, I need to make so real decisions, QUICK. I may have lost my lost my gumption, but I haven't lost my intolerance for BS. Word is we may be moving out of here, thats sad. I will miss Chapel Hill if that happens.
oh! I saw crash today, good good movie. Thought I would share.

I think its the times we realize that we want something, that we best show how little we need it.

Im scared. thats right, I said it

So, I missed a day

2005-10-20T19:39:31Z

Yeah I didnt do this last night, so I will do it again tonight. I better get something out of this at some point. HA. First john davis was amazing, and apparently I say that would too much. However, there are few things in this world that are great and I think they should be recognized. So, John Davis, so good extremely talented and one of the best songwriters on the planet. I was saddened to see only a handful of people there. Kyle and I had a good walk to and from 506 got a chance to catch up and share our "can you believe this" story of the moment. Prom theme just came on the stereo and for a moment I was 18. Not enough people know how "amazing" Fountains of Wayne is. Well this is short, cause most of the things bouncing through my brain dont belong here. Its a great day outside, please enjoy it for me.

better, talks, and making the most of a day

2005-10-19T05:58:21Z

tooth is much better, which is a shock, but a good one. Tokyo Rose boys were so much fun. It was great to see them suckas. They left at like noon after being up all night, so I had to catch a nap after they left that ended up lasting until 5, oops! Paige and I had a good little talk about life, laughter, and other stuff that is always fun to talk about. Shes a smart gal, go figure. I listened to a lot of counting crows today, which was a nice break from the routine. I am going to make more of these days, phil and I were discussing practice and how we need to step it up, November is looking worthless, so the best thing we can do is be a better band. Things are a little volatile in the brain these days. I havent been nervous in a long time, but I kinda am about something. I have a green shirt that I bought at walgreen of all places 2 years ago and I love it. Thought i would share that. oh crap! John Davis tomorrow at the cradle. He is my homeboy, I cant wait to see him again....

tooth and stuff

2005-10-18T06:33:49Z

This toothache is pissing me off, Im not really sure how to confront it. I KNOW, GO TO THE DENTIST!! if i hear that again Im gonna throw myself in front of a car. I will go, but in the meantime I need to some pain killers. I woke up at 11am! Wow, that is nuts for me. Its 2 and im feeling all tired, which is unbelievable. My best friends in the world, Tokyo Rose are in town and staying with me tonight. Im really happy about that. Phil came home tonight and zach is still in DC, but tonight will be a packed house. I ate one of those 88 cents banquet dinners tonight, and you know what? Amazing. The salisbury steak was right on! I mean Im sure Im gonna be crapping out my digestive system tomorrow, but for 88 cents. That is criminal! and I'm sure if someone investigated it, it probably really is. Ok so, I have to admit something that I have been fighting for a long time. I like Damien Rice. :sigh: I cant help it. I saw an internet thing on closer today and when I heard that song again I caved. I still dont want to like him, but I do. Glad we got that out of the way. been listening to a lot of antony and the johnsons lately you should check him out, very good music. Ok my boys are here so I gotta roll...

another day another movie

2005-10-17T06:21:19Z

So cory and I see thumbsucker. It wasnt bad, despite the fact that I spent the 20 minute walk to the theatre making it sound like it was going to be the worst movie ever. The little actor dude is so the next Johnny Depp. It was nice to get out and walk to franklin and kind of enjoy the autumn weather. Walking back on the other hand.... not soo much. It was freezing! I love coat time though. I totally feel better today than I did yesterday. In fact, looking back I think I was being a touch dramatic. I still dont know how this thing works, I would like to not have my page this bland white, so if any of your gurus out there have some suggestions, make it happen! My teeth hurt more than usual today. I got this weird feeling that something is about to happen to my mouth. I need to go to the dentist sooo bad. Too bad Im a child. I think if I can do this everyday, that would be great. I have been eating chicken tetrazini for the past 2 days. Phils step mom made it for us and literally had a gallon left over to freeze after I set aside enough to eat on for the next week. I think thats about 9 pounds...wouldn't you say?(Carly) Z-buds is in DC, Ph, in Charlotte, Ty is getting cut this friday so the prayers and best wishes need to be sent his way. So, I got the place to myself. I think Im gonna go to bed early tonight, which is sweet...if it works. Im gonna try the bed too! We will see how this all unfolds. I need a non-job like something to do for 2 days to work, but thats it. you know?

what i need to do

2005-10-16T09:59:57Z

So, I have been not sleeping at all. I dont really know what that means or really why its happening. 6 am just feels like nothing anymore. I suppose I could try and stay up all night and through the next day, but honestly, I have nothing exciting enough happening to keep me up. Its weird by the time I am tired I really resent the idea of sleeping and get pissed that I have to. Not a fan of this situation. I havent slept in my bed in a week either. I dont know if the 2 are connected but its also kinda strange. I am afraid of my room these days. I tend to want to be in a common place which makes me think I may be lonely. Gah, thats lame. Im a straight jelly lately, I dont get it. I have been trying to be down on things which is so not what I what I want. I have been having such a good time being home, and now this whole sleep thing and the mood switch. I need to be on the road, not being out just makes me too anxious. I freaking hate it! I miss tyson too, he is like my objectivity. He keeps everything in perspective for me. I love that bastard. Some new "feelings" have sorta crept up on me in the past few days, and I dont know if I like them or not. I have been independent for such a long time that this is all so unfamiliar. I really dont know how to place these thoughts I've been having. I can feel myself getting dumber by the minute. I use to have such an unhealthy pride when it came to my insight but lately I feel so wrong all the time. Second guessing yourself is such a sign of getting old...

The beginning

2005-10-16T05:22:19Z

This is kind of the test run of this.