| freedom on this earth |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|04:52 am] |
|
I stood in the middle
of an 8 lane highway tonight with no cars coming either way. It was
kinda surreal. In the midst of an industrial world, I was alone and
free. if you are ever driving a super highway in the middle of the
night and want to experience something special pull over and try it. |
|
|
| Reflections |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|04:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | classic case-- Elegy | ] |
Wow, so much to say. I let this thing go for a week and I'm out of it.
The last week on the road was amazing! So much more fun that I thought it was going to be. It was just a great great time. The freedom is overwhelming sometimes. Its such a different world and I dont always no how I go a day without it. I have a met a ton of new people in the past couple of months, and not that I dont always, but these are people that I know will be an open opportunity to be more than just a face of the day. Different people, that I am learning about and realizing our differences and the similarities that make it possible for us all to coincide on earth. There is a ton of work ahead for me. This record is sneaking closer and closer. I want to be over prepared, the work put into this is so much more than a necessity for the band, but for my well being, I need it to keep my mind from falling idle. I have been home for 3 hours and I already feel old. There is a youthfulness about being out there, there is a sense of retribution no matter how long you have lived, you are at one place in your mind. I have a few weeks here before thanksgiving and all that jazz. We have a photo shoot coming up, and Im trying to get the video pushed up so It can all be done before the holiday. Im kinda bummed at the moment, but am comforted by a real sense of purpose, there is a lot going on and I am ready............. |
|
|
| body hurts |
[Oct. 29th, 2005|03:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | antony and the johnsons | ] |
WOW!
I am soo out of shape and out of practice. I think I had too much fun playing last night. Eh, my neck is killing me!
Havent decided yet what Im doing for Halloween, probably Gboro. I have done the chapel hill thing enough.
I went to a place last night where there were a ton of people dressed up, dont think I want to do that anymore, HA. |
|
|
| amazing practice |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|03:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Youth Electronics | ] |
We had an amazing practice tonight! Hours and hours, but a ton of fun. Maybe tomorrow will actually be a good show! Still miss my tyson. Arlie and David got stranded in the hill, so they are staying here tonight. Good to see those boys!
Ever notice how safe people are from a distance?
That sounds obvious, but I often forget why most of us keep each other out of arms reach. And I got some long arms................. |
|
|
| Maybe hes right. |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|02:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mood? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the starting line | ] |
Zach says Im losing my mind. I wonder if I really am going crazy. Thats just what I need right now. To go bonkers! HAHA |
|
|
| top of the hill! |
[Oct. 27th, 2005|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ataris - blue skies | ] |
I got up soo late
today, which was lame. Cleaned the house. Met up with Karen, havent
seen her in like a year. We went to top of the hill for drinks and
caught up and talked about the good old days. I feel like I have told
the same, "Im on tour" story a million times. I get bored, but it is my
life, so who knows. Im listening to the ataris! haha that makes me feel
18 again. We got a P-Space just to have something to do while we are
waiting for t-bird. Chicken Tetrazini time! |
|
|
| better, 20 dollar jeans, greensboro, stuff |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|02:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | recumbent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | codeseven -- alt wave | ] |
So last night I went
to the girls house, I hadnt seen them and my futon in a long time.
brandy, joel, john, and I went out for shakes and good conversation.
Its always nice to catch up. I am rethinking what I should do for
halloween, I dont know if I should go to their house or do the same
same here at the hill. I kinda want to dress up, like in a dress! HA,
we will see. I got a lot of ish done today. Got some of our equipment
fixed and I guess we will be playing some shows as a 3 piece, that will
be nuts. I bought a 20 dollar pair of jeans today, they suck but will
get me through another tour. I have been having so much fun writing
lately, I have really been into soul which is funny cause I am soo
write and I sing like a 5 year old boy. Oh me. Its 2:22 and you know
what that means?! I feel much better than I did yesterday. I dont want
to sound erratic, I think yesterday was just the head of something that
I wasnt ready for, and hopefully I have assimilated the experience into
my being and can go with it. I've been reading this book called "The
Christian Culture Survival Guide" Its really funny, cause its about
what its like being raised a christian and having to go through all the
awkwardness that is self imposed. I like it a lot. I walked to
starbucks and read for a while by the window and it was nice to watch
the people. A gay dude winked at me too! If only it were rufus........ |
|
|
| So im scared |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|05:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jump- cathedrals | ] |
i cant believe this!
I get so close. I have no right to get involved with people, but shit.
I am human. I have spent the last year in awe of the attitude that I
have adopted. This disinterest in people and making a connection. I
have wanted for soooo long for someone to come along and break me of
it. I know that I have been scared to repeat the patterns of the past,
and I know that I have done some not so great things to some
undeserving people, but I have always been honest about my feelings.
That is so easy and so safe when those feelings are lackluster. Now,
now! I feel like all this time, all this patients, all this waiting,
preparing has gone to nothing. I told matt the other day that I would
give anything to just remember what it was like to be miserable over
someone, to just want that attention to the point that it hurt. It had
been so long. I need a relationship like I need cancer, but thats not
the point. I wanted to remember the feeling, the agony. It means
something, IT MEANS YOU ARE HUMAN! I hadnt felt that sort of alive in a
long time, but now, it may be here and I dont feel ready, Im not
soaking it up, Im acting like a child. Now my fear isnt of repeating
the patterns of the past, but watching what I have always wanted
dwindle. I now know that I am capable and when this passes I will be
assured. I take comfort in that, but I am disappointed. So yeah Im
listening to cathedrals, and Im waiting for this ship to sail. |
|
|
| Freedom |
[Oct. 24th, 2005|04:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the starting line | ] |
today was fun. I saw
the bravery and my friend cambot. Cory and I laughed at all the drunk
people, it was soo funny. I watched one drunk girl make out with 2
guys, then later in the night, came up to me and whispered, "you are
one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen" in my ear. HAHA, it
was soo crazy. I am liking this weather, it feels soo nice outside, and
perfect coat weather. I CANT STOP LISTENING TO THE STARTING LINE, what
does that mean exactly? Wrote some weird off the beaten path music
today, maybe thats because I have been off track lately. I have sooo
much running through my mind and I dont know where to start with it
all, it makes me just want to forget it all and get back to basics, I
mean it isnt THAT important is it? Maybe, I have been thinking about
these things for a while. I dont know. Its late and I need a snack. |
|
|
| too many shows! |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|03:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | buckley - lover | ] |
Leslie, Liz, Zach,
and I went to see Classic Case and He Is Legend last night. It was good
to see some familiar faces. The show was really cool, Im looking
forward to touring with those dudes. Stayed at Leslies, and she passed
the hell out at like 3! This is where my schedule gets me. Cory and I
are going to see The Bravery tonight. boo. I will get to see my buddy
cameron, but thats about the only thing good to look forward to at this
show, I hate that band. I feel good today, i woke up noon got some
coffee and I'm off to a good start. I have been writing so much. Songs
are coming so easily, and I think they are good. Speaking of good
songs. I got a chance to hear all of the new farewell record. Tight!
Its very original rock. Those dudes are gonna make some noise very soon
I think. So I got to stop wearing my show shirt, Its like my blankie or
something. I just dont like anything to wear except for this shirt.
haha and its orange which is so funny. I see a small hole forming in my
favorite jeans and my other favorite jeans are already wrecked. I need
to get them fixed before we hit the road. bad! Tbud is getting cut mon.
So lets hope that all goes well. alright its three and I got as many
hours to get ready for this night. Hope all is well in the world. |
|
|
| Things in their appropriate places |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|02:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Norma Jean | ] |
So
Im not sure exactly whats going on with me. Lots of good things,
we are shooting a video very soon! I just got word today that
Shane Drake is directing it, which is really really cool. I dig
his work. Some of other sweet breakthroughs as well have
presented themselves with the band, if Tyson was home right now it
would be perfect. I was suppose to get my haircut today and
freaking missed it. I got up soo late. Which isnt cool.
.....Im not super chill by any means, but I can keep my cards together
when I need to. Lately, not so much. I am falling all over
myself. Its kinda funny to look back at my childish babble.
This is what I wanted right? HA! I need to get back on the
old road, its calling me and my mind is there, not here with decisions
and fears of complacency. I have a ton of newly imposed errands
to take care of, so tomorrow will be a lot of that. Thats what I
need, something to do for a week that just wrecks my brain. I
talked to chuck today and he made me laugh so hard, his candid insight
is soo refreshing sometimes. That little biatch knows me all too
well. Whether I like it or not, I need to make so real decisions,
QUICK. I may have lost my lost my gumption, but I haven't lost my
intolerance for BS. Word is we may be moving out of here, thats
sad. I will miss Chapel Hill if that happens.
oh! I saw crash today, good good movie. Thought I would share.
I think its the times we realize that we want something, that we best show how little we need it.
Im scared. thats right, I said it
|
|
|
| So, I missed a day |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|03:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Prom Theme-FOW | ] |
Yeah I didnt do this
last night, so I will do it again tonight. I better get something out
of this at some point. HA. First john davis was amazing, and apparently
I say that would too much. However, there are few things in this world
that are great and I think they should be recognized. So, John Davis,
so good extremely talented and one of the best songwriters on the
planet. I was saddened to see only a handful of people there. Kyle and
I had a good walk to and from 506 got a chance to catch up and share
our "can you believe this" story of the moment. Prom theme just came on
the stereo and for a moment I was 18. Not enough people know how
"amazing" Fountains of Wayne is. Well this is short, cause most of the
things bouncing through my brain dont belong here. Its a great day
outside, please enjoy it for me. |
|
|
| better, talks, and making the most of a day |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | impressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | colorblind---counting crows | ] |
tooth is much
better, which is a shock, but a good one. Tokyo Rose boys were so much
fun. It was great to see them suckas. They left at like noon after
being up all night, so I had to catch a nap after they left that ended
up lasting until 5, oops! Paige and I had a good little talk about
life, laughter, and other stuff that is always fun to talk about. Shes
a smart gal, go figure. I listened to a lot of counting crows today,
which was a nice break from the routine. I am going to make more of
these days, phil and I were discussing practice and how we need to step
it up, November is looking worthless, so the best thing we can do is be
a better band. Things are a little volatile in the brain these days. I
havent been nervous in a long time, but I kinda am about something. I
have a green shirt that I bought at walgreen of all places 2 years ago
and I love it. Thought i would share that. oh crap! John Davis tomorrow
at the cradle. He is my homeboy, I cant wait to see him again.... |
|
|
| tooth and stuff |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|02:06 am] |
This
toothache is pissing me off, Im not really sure how to confront
it. I KNOW, GO TO THE DENTIST!! if i hear that again Im
gonna throw myself in front of a car. I will go, but in the
meantime I need to some pain killers. I woke up at 11am! Wow,
that is nuts for me. Its 2 and im feeling all tired, which is
unbelievable. My best friends in the world, Tokyo Rose are in
town and staying with me tonight. Im really happy about
that. Phil came home tonight and zach is still in DC, but tonight
will be a packed house. I ate one of those 88 cents banquet
dinners tonight, and you know what? Amazing. The salisbury
steak was right on! I mean Im sure Im gonna be crapping out my
digestive system tomorrow, but for 88 cents. That is criminal!
and I'm sure if someone investigated it, it probably really is.
Ok so, I have to admit something that I have been fighting for a long
time. I like Damien Rice. :sigh: I cant help it. I saw an
internet thing on closer today and when I heard that song again I
caved. I still dont want to like him, but I do. Glad we got
that out of the way. been listening to a lot of antony and the
johnsons lately you should check him out, very good music. Ok my
boys are here so I gotta roll...
|
|
|
| another day another movie |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|02:20 am] |
|
So cory and I see
thumbsucker. It wasnt bad, despite the fact that I spent the 20 minute
walk to the theatre making it sound like it was going to be the worst
movie ever. The little actor dude is so the next Johnny Depp. It was
nice to get out and walk to franklin and kind of enjoy the autumn
weather. Walking back on the other hand.... not soo much. It was
freezing! I love coat time though. I totally feel better today than I
did yesterday. In fact, looking back I think I was being a touch
dramatic. I still dont know how this thing works, I would like to not
have my page this bland white, so if any of your gurus out there have
some suggestions, make it happen! My teeth hurt more than usual today.
I got this weird feeling that something is about to happen to my mouth.
I need to go to the dentist sooo bad. Too bad Im a child. I think if I
can do this everyday, that would be great. I have been eating chicken
tetrazini for the past 2 days. Phils step mom made it for us and
literally had a gallon left over to freeze after I set aside enough to
eat on for the next week. I think thats about 9 pounds...wouldn't you
say?(Carly) Z-buds is in DC, Ph, in Charlotte, Ty is getting cut this
friday so the prayers and best wishes need to be sent his way. So, I
got the place to myself. I think Im gonna go to bed early tonight,
which is sweet...if it works. Im gonna try the bed too! We will see how
this all unfolds. I need a non-job like something to do for 2 days to
work, but thats it. you know? |
|
|
| what i need to do |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|05:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | kinda lame | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fire Theft | ] |
So, I have been not
sleeping at all. I dont really know what that means or really why its
happening. 6 am just feels like nothing anymore. I suppose I could try
and stay up all night and through the next day, but honestly, I have
nothing exciting enough happening to keep me up. Its weird by the time
I am tired I really resent the idea of sleeping and get pissed that I
have to. Not a fan of this situation. I havent slept in my bed in a
week either. I dont know if the 2 are connected but its also kinda
strange. I am afraid of my room these days. I tend to want to be in a
common place which makes me think I may be lonely. Gah, thats lame. Im
a straight jelly lately, I dont get it. I have been trying to be down
on things which is so not what I what I want. I have been having such a
good time being home, and now this whole sleep thing and the mood
switch. I need to be on the road, not being out just makes me too
anxious. I freaking hate it! I miss tyson too, he is like my
objectivity. He keeps everything in perspective for me. I love that
bastard. Some new "feelings" have sorta crept up on me in the past few
days, and I dont know if I like them or not. I have been independent
for such a long time that this is all so unfamiliar. I really dont know
how to place these thoughts I've been having. I can feel myself getting
dumber by the minute. I use to have such an unhealthy pride when it
came to my insight but lately I feel so wrong all the time. Second
guessing yourself is such a sign of getting old... |
|
|
| The beginning |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|01:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | owen | ] |
This is kind of the test run of this. |
|
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